Kyle lived out in Alviso where you could smell the swamp,
worked with his buddy Alfred at his old man's auto shop.
One night they were drinking, like they so often do,
when Alfred went in the garage to grab a few more brews.
He saw the rider mower in the corner gathering dust,
patchwork welds across the front and a thick layer of rust.
With a drunken mischief smile, he took a swig of his Keystone,
and he yelled, “Hey man Kyle! How fast does this thing go?”
Kyle said, “You mean Old Red? That's Grandpa's monkey wards,
and that tractor's been sittin there since 2004.
I'll bet you forty dollars that you can't get it to run.”
A couple hours later, Alfred yelled, “I won!”
Old Red, she was sputterin and smokin in the yard,
Alfred standing proudly crossed his greasy arms
and said, “Take that forty dollars, go get us some more gas.
The landspeed record's eighty-five, and I wanna go that fast.”
Old Red, Old Red
Gas 'er up and put 'er into drive
Old Red, Old Red
Landspeed record eighty-five
By Monday they had rebuilt both the engine and the tranny,
one hundred twenty cc's with a brand new three speed granny.
But when they floored it past the radar over on Marsh Avenue,
the sign just read a really disappointing sixty two.
So they took off all the excess parts, put on ATV tires,
and replaced the whole exhaust pipe with one made from carbon fiber
Bought some spark plugs from the auto shop, said “This should make it quicker!”
Of course the real thing that made it go were those NASCAR racing stickers..
The night had finally come when they would try to break that record
so they found an old abandoned road with a radar detector.
With a motorcycle helmet and just the right amount of stupid
Alfred revved the motor and he yelled, “Let's fuckin do this!!”
The engine roared and rattled, Alfred held on for dear life,
a flying streak of rusty red like a comet through the night
Kyle strained his eyes to read the flashing radar sign
He raised his arms in victory when he saw the eighty-nine!
Old Red, Old Red,
Gas 'er up and put her into drive
Old Red, Old Red,
Land speed record eighty-nine
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